I don't know if I can go on.

I'm so tired right now. Crying is a constant thing I do. I know I am despressed. My doctor knows I'm depressed.

We've had snow here since last Thursday afternoon. All told, 18 inches or so. I guess it's not too bad considering. We went out to the store early Thursday so we could get home before the storm. It started snowing whilie we were in the crazy grocery store. Everyone was out. Everyone trying to do as we were doing.

Bill is getting weaker by the day. After grocery shopping, he couldn't even lift the groceries into the van. I unloaded the cart. He drove (I'm seriously thinking he should not drive). At home, he couldn't even help carry the groceries into the house. Me and my gimpy leg lifted all 6 bags (recycleable ones). One or two at a time, I brought them to the door stoop. Closed up the van and then took the bags into the house. Up the 7 stairs we have and then into the kitchen to put the stuff away. Bill sat in his chair. He was "all done in".

Friday the storm is not really peaked yet. He decided to go out to clear off some of the snow from the van. Right, he got into the van, started it up, took out the snow brush and tried to swipe at the snow. He used the windshield wipers to get the snow off and promptly broke one. Such a wonderful idea to use the wipers. He came back into the house and couldn't move for hours. I tried to fix him something to eat. He ate a cookie. No SHIT. A cookie!!!! (and only half of that.)

Yesterday, during the storms's height, I went out and started cleaning off the car. My neighbor's son and grandson came out and took over the duties for me. It was really wonderful of them to do that. This morning I looked out and they had shoveled a path to the van and were cleaning it off so that when the plow came in I could move the van. In actuallity, the neighbor moved the van for me. He didn't want to take the chance that I'd fall. Neither did I. I profusely thanked them for all the help they gave me and Bill.

Tonite, Bill fell in the bathroom. He lost his balance. Even though he only weighs 113 lbs, I couldn't lift him. His legs wouldn't hold him up. After about 20 minutes we did maneuver him to the toilet. He's been using my walker at night. But I can't get it in his head that he needs to walk it all the way to his chair. He is bound and determined that he is going to turn it around and back the damn thing into place. It's hard as the walker has wheels on the front. And then he fell again, Between the tv and the storage chest (like a hope chest) that the lamp is on. The tv moved. He was stuck between the two items. He had to "crawl" out like a crab only going forward. It took almost 15 minutes to get him sitting in his chair. A distance of about 3 feet from where he fell.

His doctor sent a card saying he wanted to see him. I'll call for an appointment tomorrow. I can never say anything because Bill will bring the wrath of God on my head.

I'm tired and sore from trying to lift him off the floor. I'll probably take some medication before going to bed. Bill finally went to bed. Now it's my turn.