Well here I sit, another day gone by and still no resolution. Oh my gosh, do I really want that resolution. Of course not. The final resolution will be his death, a better one would be for him to become unconscious so that I can get him to a hospital and for them to give him the IV's and stuff he need to remain living. Maybe then he will see that life is worth living.
Wait a minute, that's right, he has written somewhere that he doesn't want any life saving done on his body. Yes, that right, he's DNR. Will that written note be enough? I don't know. A couple of years ago we discussed this. I got the papers for us to sign and everything and he never filled them out.
Is he selfish? I think so. He's going to leave me alone. Forty-two and a half years is a long time. I don't think I can make it on my own. I miss him already.
I can't talk to anyone because all I do is cry.
He had me cancel the doctor's appointment for Sunday. I know, what doctor goes in on Sunday? A very busy one and one that probably is so overwhelmed with his practice that there is no other days to see people. I'm just ranting now. I want to rant and rail and howl.
I'm going to stop this now because I can't see anymore (crying).
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