Today is the last of August. He's still here, but not doing so well. Yesterday he complained of back pain. Hell it's not his back, it's his kidneys. He's rapidly loosing this battle now. He's block headded and, no matter what, he's going to be gone soon.

Watched Sen. Ted Kennedy's funeral yesterday. It was historic of course, and sad. Our lives have been lived throughout the history that was the Kennedy era. It ended for Ted and it will end for my Bill in a matter of days.

He can't walk for very long and hates to go to the store because they are so big. I tell him to ride a cart where appropriate, but he says no. Stubborn and doesn't want to appear weak. He is dying and nothing I can say will change that.

On the subject of family. He doesn't want to see anyone. Not his mother, sisters, friends or our children. "Just call to have me creamated. NO funeral." Like we can afford a funeral. I can't even afford to have him creamated. It's hell being on a fixed income when you get nothing but necessary funds.

I may post here again, or not. It's only been to let off steam. If you have read any of this keep your loved ones safe. May you all walk in sunshine.

August is here, he's still here too.

Today we went out to get some groceries and get a check for the rent. It's obvious to me that hubby is getting weaker by the day. He ate a couple of mouthfuls of the skin from Kentucky Fried Chicken on Saturday. Yesterday he had about a half cup of macaroni and cheese that I made from this super recipe on ALLRecipes.com. I enjoyed it and he said today that it was okay but maybe needed something. "What was in it?" he asked. If I told him the truth he would probably have thrown it at me. I made it with cottage cheese (he doesn't "DO" cottage cheese). Also there's sour cream (he doesn't "DO" that either), shredded cheese and parmesean cheese. Bake it in the oven with a bread crumb topping and it was supper creamy and very good. I added kielbasa (after I cooked and peeled the skin off) today with the leftovers cause he like the suggestion but only took a couple of bites cause he couldn't chew today.

I guess there are good days and bad days.

I look in on him every night before I fall asleep and he looks like a skeleton laying there. In the mornings I check to make sure he's still breathing.

I know he is getting weaker every day. He can hardly walk through the grocery store. Doesn't want to do much but watch TV.

When we do go out, I'm afraid when he drives. What if he has a seizure? What if he can't stop?

Maybe we can go out together. Stupid huh?

I've got to go. Clicking isn't doing good for his hearing of the TV.