June 21. The Summer Solstice.

Happy Summer! Right. It's been cool here. I had the heat still on last week because Bill is cold. He sits in his chair with his sweatpants on, a tee shirt, a sweatshirt like pullover and his thick velour bathrobe on. He also has on wool socks. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore, I turned the heat off. It was 85 degrees out on Friday, a little humid, but he didn't want to open a window. I said the hell with this. I opened one window. Then I opened the window by the sink. I then opened the window in the bathroom. There's a nice cross breeze when we do this. No air conditioner is needed right now.

It's not humid out, it's breezy. The temp says 81 degrees. It's pleasant.

But, he's cold.

Well the saga continues. He was doing what the doctor said. NOT!!!

He thought the doctor said to only take the pills twice a day. He's in pain. I could see it in the way he sat in his chair. He's pull his shoulders into his body and slumped. Finally I asked the Hospice nurse about the pills. She said, the bottle says to take two pills every 4 to 6 hours; or whenever necessary. I looked at Bill and said SEE! Well he said. The doctor said to take them twice a day. Well she pulled out her phone and called the doctor's office. The doctor got on the phone and told her what he wrote in the perscription was correct. It was written on the pill bottle.

Yes, I thought to myself. Well he's been taking them (the pills) twice a day. Two weeks ago he started taking them 3 times a day. I think today will be the first time he will have taken them 4 times. I know he is hurting.

His voice is fading. I can barely understand him.

We have a hospital bed in our living room, a shower stool in the tub. He can't take a shower by himself so he just washes himself. He gets upset if I see his body. He's so emaciated. I'm scarred. I know he is fading fast.

The doctor said 5 to 6 months. I believe it will be sooner.

Our grandson came home from his sailing cruise (working cruise with his school) yesterday. He's on leave until 11PM tonite. He came to visit and wanted to give Bill a hug, but he could just lean into him a little. Taylor's over 6 ft tall and very buff. He's becoming a man and has grown up so much in the last year. His cruise took him to Europe and the experience will help him in his chosen field. Go Maine Maritine Academy. Go Taylor.

Well, back to Bill.

The Hospice nurse (Debbie) asked me if I had a funeral parlor picked out. I know I must have had a horrified look on my face because she said, "we have a few months yet." But I know she wants this detail out of the way. She also said, you need to write up his obituary. I just burst into tears. Bill was not in the room at the time. Debbie said you have to do it early because when the time comes you won't be able to do it. I know this is true.

Well, yesterday was Father's Day and I sat at my desk with a pad and paper. I didn't want him to listen to the clicking of the computer keys as he is doing now. He hates that, but he's not saying anything anymore. I figure he doesn't have the strength or the will to argue about it. I don't purposely want to annoy him, but I do have to do something or go crazy.

Anyway, I wrote the damn thing and had tears streaming down my face. I told my sister about via private message on Facebook. She said some very nice things and I really love her for her compassion. I'm sure going to need some of her strength at the end of this journey.

Well, I've written enough for today. I'll try to keep updating.