Alot has happened this month. Boston doctor scheduled surgery for May 20th. YEA! We were getting ready to go down. Hubby was saying. Finally they are going to do something about it.
Then the call came. The doctor herself called and said. Well, if he wasn't going to get the PET scan done (he is in excruciating pain when laying on the machine) there probably isn't alot they can do. They need that for their "map" of the cancer. Oh yea, then she said: "The hospital here probably wouldn't do uncompensated care because there are hospitals in Maine that could probably do the same work. They wouldn't waive their fee." She then said: "I could probably waive my fee, but, it's alot to ask." WHAT????
Wasn't the oath they took to do no harm? Where in that oath is it that they have to make tons of money. I know, I know, They have lots of expenses too. THEY have malpractice insurance to pay. THEY have other things they are obligated to pay. WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE OBLIGATION TO HELP PEOPLE?
This was 3 days before we were going to go to Boston. I had it all planned out. So we cancelled it and then I called our doctor here. He quickly arranged for Bill to see a doctor in Portland. That appointment was on the 26th. When I told Bill about it he said to me. I don't want to go. I just looked at him, went into the bedroom and lay down on the bed. I cried and cried. I have a constant headache. My heart hurts, my stomach is in knots and I don't know how to help him.
I called and cancelled the appointment. The nurse said okay, call back if he changed his mind. We both know he won't. He is ready to die.
Early Wednesday morning, 1:20 AM to be exact. I was shutting down the computer, he had just gone into the bedroom. He came out with a handkerchief red with blood. I dashed to get dressed. He said, I'm not going anywhere. I looked at him like he was crazy. "WHAT!!!" was my reaction. He said what can they do? I sat in my computer chair and just looked on in horror as blood poured from his mouth. He had a THIRD cloth to his mouth and it was rapidly filling with blood. He turned to me and said, Should we call an ambulance or do you want to drive me? Of course, I took him down. They took him in and of course, paperwork had to be done. All the while blood is coming from his mouth and he was wiping it off. The attendant was kind of freaked out, but finished the paperwork and carried the paper back into the onclave of the ER. Two minutes later a nurse came out and they took us into triage. Where Bill was weighed. You could have knocked me over with a feather. He weighs only 89 lbs. How can a supposed 5'11" (his height before, he is now 5'7") live being only 89 lbs. They can't. Well that ended the triage and the nurse took us back into a room. An attending physician came in and tried to look past the blood into his mouth. They took him up to the room at 5:15 AM. I left at 4:30 cause I was exhausted and I had been up for 22 hours. I went to bed and got up at 10. Showered and did all the immediately needed things. Coffee being the first. Got to the hospital around 11:15. He was in bed with an IV and the nurses were checking on him. He gets irritated when they come in to take vitals but they try to be nice. After all, they are looking after him on Doctor's orders. There's a schedule and they have to keep it. Rules are rules. Missed the doctor, of course. Nothing I could do but sit there and watch him nod off to sleep. I left about 2 so that I could do somethings at home. Notify people and call others for help.
Did I mention that we don't have health insurance and no MaineCare as of May 1st. So, now we are going to have this huge bill. I'll let you know. I don't want to know. On top of it all the business offices were trying to contact me and I was either in the hospital or enroute. At home, I'd call them and get a message. I'd leave a message and then go back to the hospital. It's a holiday weekend and no one will be around until Tuesday. Then I can talk about money to them.
Right now there is a Health Reach nurse here from Hospice Care. He has been put on this. There isn't much that can be done now, except to keep him comfortable and in the home. He doesn't want heroic measures taken or done. And another thing, he's not honest with the nurse. He won't tell her the truth to them about the pain. But, if I try to speak he gets angry and defensive. Well, that's it for today.
My job is to make him comfortable. I hope I can do it and survive.
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